Self- Portraits: May

May 3, 2024

Just a few days after having a terrible shoot, I woke up to rain. I was hardly awake when the thought floated through my mind, “How cool would it be to do a photoshoot in the rain?” The odds of it downpouring specifically during my lunch break to make that happen, however, were pretty slim so I didn’t think much of it. Then, of course, it did in fact rain during my lunch break. But I was at the gym. 

When I got home, I leaned into optimism and got everything prepped, just in case a quick shower came later. I left my camera, interval timer and umbrella near the backdoor, ready to go, while I went to the home office (which is just a desk in the corner of the bedroom). 

The universe had my back. I heard the rain start to pick up and rushed outside as fast as I could to get the camera and tripod set up under the overhang of the house. No makeup, no planning, I just let the interval timer keep going. 

They are, without a doubt, my favorite images. I love them, and will cherish those 15 minutes where I played in the rain, so free and feeling truly to the bone like myself. It was refreshing and calming, like going home for the first time in a long time. 

The stark contrast of April’s shoot to May’s shoot, just days apart, is not lost on me. If this is a yearlong experiment with self-love, this impromptu session was maybe the most crucial lesson: it only matters how you feel. The outfits, the planning, the makeup, the rest all falls short to how you feel about yourself in the moment. 

Even the chaos, the rush to get everything set up, the trial and error standing in the right spot since I didn’t have long to play with the framing of the shots, and the tripod still not actually holding up the camera up (I propped it up with my phone a tripod), couldn’t ruin the fun I had. 

I’m trying my absolute best to carry the feeling those 15 minutes in the rain brought me. The same way a certain smell brings you back to a specific memory, just looking at these pictures brings me back to that moment and how I felt.